Iraq

Families divided by call to duty

The threat of war pulls homes apart, but those left behind say they'll get by and cling to the hope that loved ones are safe.

By CURTIS KRUEGER, Times Staff Writer
© St. Petersburg Times
published March 7, 2003

ST. PETERSBURG -- Five children, a yellow Labrador, a hamster, a rat, three mice, 31 constantly chirping finches and one mom almost fill the Kelly family's two-bedroom house.

But not quite.

Someone is missing, and you can see it on a small chalkboard the Kelly family uses for prayers.

It says, "Dad."

Senior Chief Petty Officer Kevin Kelly, the No. 2 man on the U.S. Coast Guard cutter Knight Island, is gone for six to eight months. He's part of Operation Enduring Freedom and the U.S. Coast Guard's mission to secure foreign ports. And that puts the Kellys among thousands in the Tampa Bay area who are reorganizing their lives because a family member has shipped off for military duty.

The United States has yet to declare war against Iraq, but a look at families like the Kellys shows the war at home is in full swing.

Many who are left here are juggling child care arrangements, giving up exercise and coping in dozens of small ways as they take on all the parental duties themselves. For others, the changes are more internal, as they quietly ponder the dangers of war.

Kevin Kelly has spent 18 years in the Coast Guard, so his wife, Shannon, a U.S. Navy veteran herself, has gotten used to his regular weeklong patrols at sea and occasional 40-day journeys.

But this duty hit especially hard.

He returned from six weeks' training on Valentine's Day weekend, thankful to have 10 days at home before he needed to report back for duty.

The following Monday, when all five children were at school, the orders came in to mobilize. He had three hours to get ready. Before the children returned home that afternoon, he was gone.

"They just asked him right away to leave, and he didn't have any time to say goodbye," said Matthew, 11, a sixth-grader. Matthew loves and supports his dad but admits that sometimes, "I kind of wish he had retired from the Coast Guard."

"I was very, very, very disappointed," said Eamonn, 9, a fourth-grader.

So was his mother.

"He's doing what he's good at, he's doing his job, and I just pray the Lord brings him back," Shannon Kelly said one recent afternoon, before the children had come home from school.

But as she said it, she started to tear up.

"That's the part I don't show the kids," she said, dabbing her cheeks.

The Kellys are used to coping with his absence, so for them the changes are more subtle. The main change is the ever-present knowledge that he could soon be in a war zone.

"We're almost at war, and we've not had to deal with everything that goes along with that, the whole emotional aspect of this," Shannon Kelly said.

"You know, on scheduled patrols we know pretty much where they should be going and when they she be home. With this we don't know exactly where he is, we don't know where will be going, we don't know when he'll be home. . . . a lot of uncertainties."

That's not something the family talks about much, but it weighs on her mind.

"Sometimes I think, you know, I did not do this to become a single parent," she said.

Sean, who is 13, in eighth grade and the oldest of the Kelly children, is mature enough to have thought deeply about his father's situation.

"There's two sides to every story," Sean said. "One side, it's cool that Dad gets to go off to war and get some bad guys. Then there's the other half, it's the what if. What if he dies, what if he gets shot, what if we never see him again?"

Just a couple of years ago, Ann Bagley lived alone with her dogs, Chester and Roxy. She was in her mid 30s and had grown to accept the notion that she might remain single.

But then she got to know a co-worker at St. Petersburg's Bayfront Medical Center named Paul Lafferty, who had a young son named Joey.

"I fell in love with Joey first, and then I decided that Paul was okay too," quipped Bagley, 37, a dietitian.

That's a good thing, because now Bagley is raising Joey, 7, as well as their 5-month-old daughter, Gina.

For the time being, she's without Paul. They're engaged, but the Army National Guard called him to active duty, and he is currently stationed at Fort Stewart, Ga. He'll be sent elsewhere soon and could be gone a year.

"I wish he was here, but I'm proud of him, and I think a lot of people don't understand how important his work is," she said.

Meanwhile, she has some work herself. She picks up both children after getting off work and "after school, it's homework, and then it's dinner and bath, story, bed." In theory, she could have a little time to herself after the children get to sleep. But she often is so exhausted that she washes the dishes and goes to bed herself.

Simple things like an impromptu trip to the store often become impossible.

She's glad Joey's grandparents live nearby in Pinellas Park and can babysit on the weekends. Bagley, who has run four marathons and would like to run four times a week, now gets her chance only on Saturdays.

Frank Lafferty says he's glad to spend the time fishing with his grandson Joey. The hard part is worrying about his son, Paul.

Lafferty, 60, is a Vietnam veteran who also spent 25 years in the National Guard. During recent years Lafferty was a specialist in nuclear, chemical and biological warfare, and that bothers him now. He finds himself worrying about what his son might be up against.

If those types of weapons are used, "it could be much nastier than anything we ran into in Vietnam," he said.

If Cathryn Young's husband were home, he could watch over their 1-year-old daughter while she went to take college classes in Tampa.

But Julius Morales, an active duty Army first sergeant who is attached to a reserve unit in St. Petersburg, is not home. He's at Fort Stewart, Ga., and will soon be shipped elsewhere for Operation Enduring Freedom.

So Young, 25, picks up little Camryn from day care and sometimes takes her along to classes offered by St. Leo University. Young gives her snacks and tries to concentrate on the lectures.

Young understands military obligations. She works as unit administrator for the Army Reserve's 641st Area Support Group in St. Petersburg and is a staff sergeant in the reserves herself. She actually had to bring her daughter along on a weekend drill recently because she had no babysitter.

"That was interesting," she said.

Her schedule is hectic, but Young said she feels worse for her husband, who is missing many classic moments in Camryn's life.

Without her husband, she said, "Our lives are not complete. They are voided in some way, and though we're really proud of him and miss him, we understand that this is something that he's got to do."

-- Times staff writer Curtis Krueger can be reached at krueger@sptimes.com or at (727) 893-8232.

© 2006 • All Rights Reserved • St. Petersburg Times
490 First Avenue South • St. Petersburg, FL 33701 • 727-893-8111

Contact the Times | Privacy Policy
Standard of Accuracy | Terms, Conditions & Copyright