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Valentine's reading

By MARY JANE PARK
Published February 12, 2006

Books related to love and lust, primarily targeted to women, perennially crowd bookstore shelves this time of year, hoping to cash in on that certain day in February most men fear. I recently took a look at four that are typical of the Valentine's Day fare.

The seductively titled Heal your Heart with Wine and Chocolate by Debora Yost is the most serious in the bunch. Surely, most of us know by now that a little red wine (a mere 5 ounces per day, for women; no more) lowers "bad" cholesterol and raises the "good."

If you haven't yet heard chocolate marketed as health food, you soon will: Eat a half-ounce of dark chocolate a day, or 2 ounces several times a week. It can help lower blood pressure, improve artery function and elevate your mood.

Yost's book offers numerous hints on heart health involving diet, exercise, even breathing and meditation techniques. It also recommends frequent laughter, which brings us to the latest in Jill Conner Browne's humorous Sweet Potato Queens series: The wedding planner fills roughly half of the volume; flip the book over, and it becomes a divorce guide.

Browne and her SPQ cohorts have made merry of many relationships, failed and sublime, and the fun continues in this guide, which is filled with excellent Pre-Wed advice, as Browne calls it, for all potential Bridezillas:

- "Your friends look like they look. You know what they look like when you ask them to be bridesmaids. ... You cannot say to these women, "I want you to be my bridesmaid because you are one of my nearest and dearest friends, but what I'm reeeally interested in is How We Will All Look in the Photos, so as much as I do love you just the way you are, for this occasion , it's going to be necessary for you to drop four dress sizes, alter your skin tone and hair color, length, and style, and also pretend to be short."'

- "A green-tree car freshener with a photo of the bride and groom stapled to it is not a suitable party favor."

- "Be particular."

On the flip side, dispensing divorce advice, Browne writes: "Sometimes the moment of truth is especially painful because you know you should have known from the start. There are some people you just have to stay clear of."

And "Don't do anything to your hair now! Trust me on this."

Browne and some of the royalty surrounding her have been married and divorced and have managed to keep their wits about them. A bonus in every one of the SPQ series is the recipes, some of which include wine and chocolate.

Fair warning: The Queens' conversation is peppered with words some people might find uncomfortable to hear.

The two other books I considered are Kissing and The Love Diet , the latter of which has nothing to do with losing weight. Both are best read - for the most part - in private. Each offers chapters designed to help brush up on technique; each may add to lovers' lexicons.

Each also has abundant padding. Kissing, for example, provides descriptions of memorable TV kisses, rated from "poor" to "super hot," and Diet lists flowers and their romantic meanings. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not have to parse the bouquet my beau selects for me.

If your love life is boring and/or in trouble, these books can help. If it's in good shape already, they can help make it better.

Another warning, however: If you want to cuddle on Valentine's Day, don't give any of these books to your loved ones. You will come off as critical and unappreciative, and no lover needs that. Just read them beforehand and arm yourself for the day of heart-emblazoned undershorts and French champagne.

--Mary Jane Park is a Times staff writer.

[Last modified February 12, 2006, 00:25:19]