Finding the truth in cruise brochures

By PATTI PIETSCHMANN

© St. Petersburg Times,
published September 16, 2001

Room, with a view The balcony is the latest necessary luxury in cruises. The pricey extra is surging in popularity, but what you get can vary wildly. 10 ways to cut the cost of cruising Though cruises, especially those through the Caribbean, are relatively inexpensive per day, there are ways to save money on the fare. Here are some top tips: Finding the truth in cruise brochures Cruise line brochures are intended to seduce potential passengers with enticing buzzwords and photos. Sure some of it rings true, but before you get too excited, here are translations for some of the most popular brochure expressions: 'Mariner' cruise sets high-water mark Pampering and amenities aboard the first all-suite, all-balcony luxury liner made it a smart choice for a journey marking a milestone.

Cruise line brochures are intended to seduce potential passengers with enticing buzzwords and photos. Sure some of it rings true, but before you get too excited, here are translations for some of the most popular brochure expressions:

Many small luxury ships like to boast something along these lines: "We call at exotic ports where mega-liners fear to tread."

Translation: Okay, you may find some big 2,400-passenger ships where we dock, but there are just not enough ports to go around. But at least the 3,200-passenger ships aren't here.

"All our staterooms are suites."

Translation: It depends on definitions. A suite normally means a bedroom and living room, separated by a door, but we have cabins with a sitting area separated by a curtain from the bedroom.

"Gourmet food."

Translation: If you're talking landside gastronomy, not really. But some ship's alternative restaurants do come close, and small luxury liners even closer. However, most of the fare served in the regular dining rooms on the bigger ships is less satisfying than you'd expect at a good restaurant on land.

"Fare includes all meals, entertainment and shipboard activities."

Translation: Except when it does not, such as eating in alternative restaurants, which charge an extra $6 to $25 per person. Also, some exercise classes are no longer free on some ships. And soft drinks and bottled water, outside the dining rooms are routinely sold, not given away, on most ships. Newly installed currency-changing machines on some ships have become a profit center, at $1.50 or more per transaction.

"Stateroom phones allow you to call home and stay in touch."

Translation: While this is true, what the brochure does not mention is the $10 or more per minute you are charged for the convenience.

"All staterooms are equipped with television access, including CNN 24 hours a day."

Translation: Cruise lines pay for downloading TV signals from satellites, and often these pictures are interrupted by weather conditions in a way we home viewers never experience.

Also, the range of stations selected can be both surprising and disappointing. If you wonder why a soccer match between teams from European nations is being aired but not American baseball, football, basketball or car-racing, consider the nationalities of the crew and the officers selecting those channels.

- Los Angeles-based freelance writer Patti Pietchmann specializes in cruise reports and is a writer/reviewer for www.cruisecritic.com.

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